THANKS BE TO JEFF ANDERSON
In my humble opinion, Jeff Anderson should be a household name, but outside the walls of 129 McDavid and The Barrio, I don't think many people know who he is. I should assume that anyone reading this blog knows who I'm talking about, but I'd hate to leave anybody behind.
Jeff Anderson played Randal in Clerks. And for those of you not good with character names he was the one that worked at the video store and insulted all the customers. By far he's the best character in the movie. It's no contest. He's competing against the whiny malcontent Dante, the pot-smoking Jay, and Silent Bob, who as his name suggests doesn't say a whole lot.
Randal makes the movie, and nobody could have played the character as well as Jeff Anderson. Nobody. I swear to Christ that man was born to play that role.
Originally Kevin Smith was going to play Randal himself. I think we can all imagine how bad that would have been. No offense to Kevin. God knows I would have is love child were I biologically capable. I'm just saying the movie wouldn't have been nearly as good. It would have flopped and none of us would ever have heard of Keven Smith, Jason Mewes, or The Quickstop.
But here's the thing: a lot more than that would have happened (or not happened as the case may be)
If Clerks would have tanked, then Keven Smith would still be working at the Quickstop in New Jersey. He never would have made Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, or Jersey Girl. Okay, so we can all agree that that's bad enough. To some of us, and I say "us" because I'm included in this, those movies are amazing. Certainly not the pinnacle of cinematic achievement...but amazing.
So now, in this totally hypothetical scenario, those movies don't exist. Never happened. Nobody's walking around saying snootchie bootchies and none of us know who the hell Walt Flannagen, let alone his dog, are.
But here's where it gets weird...if Mallrats never happened, then Jason Lee doesn't have an acting career. He'd still be skateboarding, no doubt getting the shit kicked out of him by Tony Hawk and Andy MacDonald, and only those of us with nothing better to do than watch the X-Games would ever have heard of him. And if Jason Lee isn't an actor, then he doesn't get the role of Jeff Bebe and then Almost Famous, which is one of my favorite movies, loses something. As does Vanilla Sky although I'm not quite as worried about that. His was a minor role. I'm sure they could have gotten any one of the Baldwin brothers to play the part.
With both Clerks and Mallrats gone Kevin Smith now loses any pull that he would have had in Hollywood or at Miramax, and without that Good Will Hunting, my favorite movie, never gets made. Sure somebody might have stumbled onto the script eventually, but in that town there are no guarantees. Chances are that Matt Damon and Ben Affleck would still be B-list actors. Matty probably could have crawled out of this eventually, I mean the man is a great actor, but Affleck would still be playing Basketball Player #3 in Buffy The Vampire Slayer 2: Electric Boogaloo.
Without Good Will Hunting Matt and Ben don't become those "cute kids from Boston who wrote a script together", and the Oscar goes to Mark Andrus and James Brooks for As Good as it Gets. That's just a guess, but I don't think I'm wrong.
Lacking star power Matt doesn't land Rounders, Saving Private Ryan, or The Talented Mr. Ripley...the role that pretty much solidified him as one of the greatest "young" actors in the business. And maybe I'm just overestimating the power of movies, but I think we all might have lost something there.
As far as Affleck is concerned, not much bad stuff happens. Without his name such big projects as Phantoms, Forces of Nature, Reindeer Games, and Pearl Harbor might never have seen the light of day. Thus, none of us would have had to sit through them, and the world would be a better, if not smarter, place. However, we would be without Changing Lanes which for my money is a damn good movie.
No Chasing Amy means that Joey Lauren Adams probably wouldn't have landed the role in Big Daddy. That's just a guess, and when it comes down to it who really gives a shit. As for Dogma, J&SBSB, and Jersey Girl...Kevin just used all his old friends and any other actors that he brought on board were already big names. No harm there.
I'm sure a lot more than this would have happened...the butterfly flaps it's wings in Africa and it starts a hurricane, we've heard it a thousand times, but for the sake of this blog entry let's just say that without Kevin Smith two of the biggest actors in the business and one of the most underused actors in the business wouldn't have careers at all. And Kevin Smith wouldn't have had a career if Clerks wasn't the stand out indie film of 94. And Clerks wouldn't have been the stand out indie film of 94 if Randal had been played by anyone other than Jeff Anderson.
All I'm saying is that Kevin, Jason, Matt, and Ben all have someone to thank, and it's not their agents.
THE ABCs OF HOCKEY
I've been playing hockey since I was about 8 or 9. Roller hockey that is. I didn't start with ice hockey until I was 15. In high school I was good. Not great, but I could hold my own. Until yesterday I hadn't been on the ice in over a year. All things considered I played pretty well yesterday. It was stick time, which means you just put your gear on, throw on a light or dark jersey, and you just play. Nobody keeps score. It's just ice time. I scored three goals and got four assists. I said nobody keeps score, but that doesn't mean I wasn't keeping track of how well I was doing.
Unfortunately, for yours truly, I can't play high school hockey any more. God knows that I would in a minute. I have to play in a men's league, despite the fact that I don't consider myself a "man" quite yet. They don't take that into consideration though.
There are three mens leagues: A, B, and C. The C league is pretty bad. It's filled with a bunch of guys who can barely skate backwards and goalies that just sort of flop around in the net. The B league is actually a lot better, probably better than one rung higher on the ladder should be. They skate fast, and they know what they're doing. The A players are incredible. I'd say some of them, if they wanted to, could play minor league hockey. They don't because they'd never be good enough to make it to the NHL, and playing in the minors pays less than being night manager at Quiktrip. So they enjoy their days jobs and play hockey, very well, for fun.
At my best, I would have been a step slow in the A league. I would have fit right in in the B league, and done really well in the C league.
Guess which league I'm playing in this summer after not being on the ice for a year and doing little other than sitting on my ass playing video hockey on PS2 and watching movies.
A...
Yeah...call it Murphy's Law, or Doyle's Law, or Prewitt's Law, it sucks no matter the name. But I'm gonna try and at the end of the day that's all that matters.
I just hope I don't embarrass myself. Yeah, like I've never done that before.
Godspeed Spiderman...
In my humble opinion, Jeff Anderson should be a household name, but outside the walls of 129 McDavid and The Barrio, I don't think many people know who he is. I should assume that anyone reading this blog knows who I'm talking about, but I'd hate to leave anybody behind.
Jeff Anderson played Randal in Clerks. And for those of you not good with character names he was the one that worked at the video store and insulted all the customers. By far he's the best character in the movie. It's no contest. He's competing against the whiny malcontent Dante, the pot-smoking Jay, and Silent Bob, who as his name suggests doesn't say a whole lot.
Randal makes the movie, and nobody could have played the character as well as Jeff Anderson. Nobody. I swear to Christ that man was born to play that role.
Originally Kevin Smith was going to play Randal himself. I think we can all imagine how bad that would have been. No offense to Kevin. God knows I would have is love child were I biologically capable. I'm just saying the movie wouldn't have been nearly as good. It would have flopped and none of us would ever have heard of Keven Smith, Jason Mewes, or The Quickstop.
But here's the thing: a lot more than that would have happened (or not happened as the case may be)
If Clerks would have tanked, then Keven Smith would still be working at the Quickstop in New Jersey. He never would have made Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, or Jersey Girl. Okay, so we can all agree that that's bad enough. To some of us, and I say "us" because I'm included in this, those movies are amazing. Certainly not the pinnacle of cinematic achievement...but amazing.
So now, in this totally hypothetical scenario, those movies don't exist. Never happened. Nobody's walking around saying snootchie bootchies and none of us know who the hell Walt Flannagen, let alone his dog, are.
But here's where it gets weird...if Mallrats never happened, then Jason Lee doesn't have an acting career. He'd still be skateboarding, no doubt getting the shit kicked out of him by Tony Hawk and Andy MacDonald, and only those of us with nothing better to do than watch the X-Games would ever have heard of him. And if Jason Lee isn't an actor, then he doesn't get the role of Jeff Bebe and then Almost Famous, which is one of my favorite movies, loses something. As does Vanilla Sky although I'm not quite as worried about that. His was a minor role. I'm sure they could have gotten any one of the Baldwin brothers to play the part.
With both Clerks and Mallrats gone Kevin Smith now loses any pull that he would have had in Hollywood or at Miramax, and without that Good Will Hunting, my favorite movie, never gets made. Sure somebody might have stumbled onto the script eventually, but in that town there are no guarantees. Chances are that Matt Damon and Ben Affleck would still be B-list actors. Matty probably could have crawled out of this eventually, I mean the man is a great actor, but Affleck would still be playing Basketball Player #3 in Buffy The Vampire Slayer 2: Electric Boogaloo.
Without Good Will Hunting Matt and Ben don't become those "cute kids from Boston who wrote a script together", and the Oscar goes to Mark Andrus and James Brooks for As Good as it Gets. That's just a guess, but I don't think I'm wrong.
Lacking star power Matt doesn't land Rounders, Saving Private Ryan, or The Talented Mr. Ripley...the role that pretty much solidified him as one of the greatest "young" actors in the business. And maybe I'm just overestimating the power of movies, but I think we all might have lost something there.
As far as Affleck is concerned, not much bad stuff happens. Without his name such big projects as Phantoms, Forces of Nature, Reindeer Games, and Pearl Harbor might never have seen the light of day. Thus, none of us would have had to sit through them, and the world would be a better, if not smarter, place. However, we would be without Changing Lanes which for my money is a damn good movie.
No Chasing Amy means that Joey Lauren Adams probably wouldn't have landed the role in Big Daddy. That's just a guess, and when it comes down to it who really gives a shit. As for Dogma, J&SBSB, and Jersey Girl...Kevin just used all his old friends and any other actors that he brought on board were already big names. No harm there.
I'm sure a lot more than this would have happened...the butterfly flaps it's wings in Africa and it starts a hurricane, we've heard it a thousand times, but for the sake of this blog entry let's just say that without Kevin Smith two of the biggest actors in the business and one of the most underused actors in the business wouldn't have careers at all. And Kevin Smith wouldn't have had a career if Clerks wasn't the stand out indie film of 94. And Clerks wouldn't have been the stand out indie film of 94 if Randal had been played by anyone other than Jeff Anderson.
All I'm saying is that Kevin, Jason, Matt, and Ben all have someone to thank, and it's not their agents.
THE ABCs OF HOCKEY
I've been playing hockey since I was about 8 or 9. Roller hockey that is. I didn't start with ice hockey until I was 15. In high school I was good. Not great, but I could hold my own. Until yesterday I hadn't been on the ice in over a year. All things considered I played pretty well yesterday. It was stick time, which means you just put your gear on, throw on a light or dark jersey, and you just play. Nobody keeps score. It's just ice time. I scored three goals and got four assists. I said nobody keeps score, but that doesn't mean I wasn't keeping track of how well I was doing.
Unfortunately, for yours truly, I can't play high school hockey any more. God knows that I would in a minute. I have to play in a men's league, despite the fact that I don't consider myself a "man" quite yet. They don't take that into consideration though.
There are three mens leagues: A, B, and C. The C league is pretty bad. It's filled with a bunch of guys who can barely skate backwards and goalies that just sort of flop around in the net. The B league is actually a lot better, probably better than one rung higher on the ladder should be. They skate fast, and they know what they're doing. The A players are incredible. I'd say some of them, if they wanted to, could play minor league hockey. They don't because they'd never be good enough to make it to the NHL, and playing in the minors pays less than being night manager at Quiktrip. So they enjoy their days jobs and play hockey, very well, for fun.
At my best, I would have been a step slow in the A league. I would have fit right in in the B league, and done really well in the C league.
Guess which league I'm playing in this summer after not being on the ice for a year and doing little other than sitting on my ass playing video hockey on PS2 and watching movies.
A...
Yeah...call it Murphy's Law, or Doyle's Law, or Prewitt's Law, it sucks no matter the name. But I'm gonna try and at the end of the day that's all that matters.
I just hope I don't embarrass myself. Yeah, like I've never done that before.
Godspeed Spiderman...
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