Two mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out. Gentlemen, as of this moment, I am that second mouse.
JIMMY'S TOY BOX
For the last few weeks I've been working at Citibank processing checks, and as dull as that sounds I guarantee you that, in practice, it is infinitely more boring. So boring, in fact, that I'm not even going to attempt to describe the process. Not only would this inevitably bore you to tears, which there wouldn't be much point in doing, but it would also force me to think about the horrors of work while I'm sitting comfortably in my apartment.
And I'm not too keen on doing that, as one of the few benefits of this job is that I don't have to take it home with me.
Once one gets used to the mechanics of processing checks, one's mind tends to wander. As some of you may have guessed, movie quotes tend to just randomly pop into my head and given the nature of what I do at work, these quotes tend to be from Big and Catch Me If You Can. For a while the other day, I kept replaying the "two mice feel in a bucket of cream" story. Thus, I was sitting there grinning like an idiot, and I'm sure to any onlooker it must have appeared as though I really enjoy processing checks.
One of the vaguely cool things is that, over the past few weeks, I've developed a Frank Abagnale-like knowledge of checks. For instance, I can tell you what all those little numbers at the bottom of checks mean. And...okay that's really about it, but if this were the 60s and I was good looking and ballsy, I could steal millions of dollars writing fraudulent checks.
But it's not and I can't and I don't think I've ever hated anything more than this job...
So thank God that I got a new one. As soon as the powers that be free me from Citibank, I'll start work as a caption editor at Captionmax. No doubt you've never heard of them, but, apart from other things, they do the captions for NBC primetime. Which in and of itself would make the job incredibly interesting, but from what I understand, one of those "other things" that they do is captions for soft core porn.
My immediate reaction to this news was, "Who would watch porn with the captions on?" It seems counterproductive. The very next thought I had, however, was that, semantics aside, in the near future there's a strong possibility that I'll be getting paid to watch porn. Not that I'm a porn hound or anything, but I've been paid to do much shittier work.
Like processing checks...
SAVE THE CHEERLEADER, SAVE THE WORLD
Like most people, I've developed a certain fondness for the show Heroes. For those of you who haven't seen it, first of all...what's wrong with you? And secondly, all you need to know, at least as it relates to what I'm about to talk about, is that it's essentially X-Men the tv show...certain people have evolved to the point where they now have super powers. It's worth noting, however, that the show is so good that I'm yet to hear one person complain that it is a rip-off of the X-men.
What suddenly struck me today, as I was sitting there processing checks, is that, as far I know, nobody from the Christian right has spoken out against Heroes for promoting the theory of evolution. Maybe I'm over-thinking things a bit, and God knows it wouldn't be the first time, but it seems to me that those crazy Christians typically argue against anything in television and movies that disagrees with their point of view. Just a couple of examples include Dogma and The Book of Daniel, and the more popular the program, the worse the attacks seem to get.
So why, when one of television's top shows is essentially arguing week after week that there is no God, do they just let it go? There probably is no answer and, truth be told, I don't really want an answer. I'm not legitimately curious...
It was just a funny thought that I had.
And now I feel as though I've wasted your time. Sorry.
JIMMY'S TOY BOX
For the last few weeks I've been working at Citibank processing checks, and as dull as that sounds I guarantee you that, in practice, it is infinitely more boring. So boring, in fact, that I'm not even going to attempt to describe the process. Not only would this inevitably bore you to tears, which there wouldn't be much point in doing, but it would also force me to think about the horrors of work while I'm sitting comfortably in my apartment.
And I'm not too keen on doing that, as one of the few benefits of this job is that I don't have to take it home with me.
Once one gets used to the mechanics of processing checks, one's mind tends to wander. As some of you may have guessed, movie quotes tend to just randomly pop into my head and given the nature of what I do at work, these quotes tend to be from Big and Catch Me If You Can. For a while the other day, I kept replaying the "two mice feel in a bucket of cream" story. Thus, I was sitting there grinning like an idiot, and I'm sure to any onlooker it must have appeared as though I really enjoy processing checks.
One of the vaguely cool things is that, over the past few weeks, I've developed a Frank Abagnale-like knowledge of checks. For instance, I can tell you what all those little numbers at the bottom of checks mean. And...okay that's really about it, but if this were the 60s and I was good looking and ballsy, I could steal millions of dollars writing fraudulent checks.
But it's not and I can't and I don't think I've ever hated anything more than this job...
So thank God that I got a new one. As soon as the powers that be free me from Citibank, I'll start work as a caption editor at Captionmax. No doubt you've never heard of them, but, apart from other things, they do the captions for NBC primetime. Which in and of itself would make the job incredibly interesting, but from what I understand, one of those "other things" that they do is captions for soft core porn.
My immediate reaction to this news was, "Who would watch porn with the captions on?" It seems counterproductive. The very next thought I had, however, was that, semantics aside, in the near future there's a strong possibility that I'll be getting paid to watch porn. Not that I'm a porn hound or anything, but I've been paid to do much shittier work.
Like processing checks...
SAVE THE CHEERLEADER, SAVE THE WORLD
Like most people, I've developed a certain fondness for the show Heroes. For those of you who haven't seen it, first of all...what's wrong with you? And secondly, all you need to know, at least as it relates to what I'm about to talk about, is that it's essentially X-Men the tv show...certain people have evolved to the point where they now have super powers. It's worth noting, however, that the show is so good that I'm yet to hear one person complain that it is a rip-off of the X-men.
What suddenly struck me today, as I was sitting there processing checks, is that, as far I know, nobody from the Christian right has spoken out against Heroes for promoting the theory of evolution. Maybe I'm over-thinking things a bit, and God knows it wouldn't be the first time, but it seems to me that those crazy Christians typically argue against anything in television and movies that disagrees with their point of view. Just a couple of examples include Dogma and The Book of Daniel, and the more popular the program, the worse the attacks seem to get.
So why, when one of television's top shows is essentially arguing week after week that there is no God, do they just let it go? There probably is no answer and, truth be told, I don't really want an answer. I'm not legitimately curious...
It was just a funny thought that I had.
And now I feel as though I've wasted your time. Sorry.
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