MY CLEAN-SHAVIN SUMMER OF SELF-IMPROVEMENT
I've got big plans for the summer. Sure, I'll be working at the video store, which has been my cross to bear for over three and a half years, but I'm doing way more than that. First of all, I plan on reading a great many things that I should have read prior to my twentieth birthday. Fitzgerald, Eliot, Baldwin, Frost, Faulkner, Joyce, Salinger...I'm gonna do them all and then some. At least I think I will.
But I'm not stopping there folks. I'm going all out. I'm gonna lose some weight. That's right. Me, the guy who cares nothing about health or fitness, is gonna take off a few pounds. I hate exercising, so I don't know exactly how I'm going to do it, but I've got a vague outline. I'll be playing hockey, eating all the non-meat products my mother buys, and I think there will be a Jack Lalanne Powerjuicer involved. God I want a juicer.
For most people I suppose this would be enough to accomplish over one summer, but not me. Oh no, I'm not stopping there. I'm gonna start shaving, and before anybody gets any ideas I'm talking about my face. I hate shaving. I'm using the word "hate" here about shaving. Can't stand it. But I'm gonna do it. Not so much because I want to be clean-shavin, but more as an exercise in doing something that I hate.
This is going to be my summer of self-improvement...heck, I've named it. I'm coming back to school in the fall a changed man. At least that's the plan.
But how many of my plans actually come to fruition?
DAKOTA FANNING
My hatred for this girl is unnatural. I can't explain it. I hate her with the same intensity that The Pope hates a woman's right to choose. Everytime I see her, I just want to bludgeon her with something, but certain laws prohibit me from doing so.
Keep in mind, I don't want to see her dead. I'm not sadistic. I'd just like to see her mauled by a bear or something. That look of sheer horror on her face as the enraged bear charged would be priceless. Actually I'm just looking for anything to replace that "I'm so cute, talented and precocious, so you must all love me" smile that I always see her with.
She just bothers me...a lot, and if I get enough comments asking why, I'll devote an entire blog entry to how this came about.
GARDEN STATE TRAILERISTS ANONYMOUS
Somebody posted on IMDB that they can't stop watching the Garden State teaser trailer. They say that they've watched it over sixty times. If this wasn't surprising enough, like a hundred other people posted about how they do the same thing.
I haven't seen it sixty times or anything, but it feels good to know that I'm not alone.
I've got big plans for the summer. Sure, I'll be working at the video store, which has been my cross to bear for over three and a half years, but I'm doing way more than that. First of all, I plan on reading a great many things that I should have read prior to my twentieth birthday. Fitzgerald, Eliot, Baldwin, Frost, Faulkner, Joyce, Salinger...I'm gonna do them all and then some. At least I think I will.
But I'm not stopping there folks. I'm going all out. I'm gonna lose some weight. That's right. Me, the guy who cares nothing about health or fitness, is gonna take off a few pounds. I hate exercising, so I don't know exactly how I'm going to do it, but I've got a vague outline. I'll be playing hockey, eating all the non-meat products my mother buys, and I think there will be a Jack Lalanne Powerjuicer involved. God I want a juicer.
For most people I suppose this would be enough to accomplish over one summer, but not me. Oh no, I'm not stopping there. I'm gonna start shaving, and before anybody gets any ideas I'm talking about my face. I hate shaving. I'm using the word "hate" here about shaving. Can't stand it. But I'm gonna do it. Not so much because I want to be clean-shavin, but more as an exercise in doing something that I hate.
This is going to be my summer of self-improvement...heck, I've named it. I'm coming back to school in the fall a changed man. At least that's the plan.
But how many of my plans actually come to fruition?
DAKOTA FANNING
My hatred for this girl is unnatural. I can't explain it. I hate her with the same intensity that The Pope hates a woman's right to choose. Everytime I see her, I just want to bludgeon her with something, but certain laws prohibit me from doing so.
Keep in mind, I don't want to see her dead. I'm not sadistic. I'd just like to see her mauled by a bear or something. That look of sheer horror on her face as the enraged bear charged would be priceless. Actually I'm just looking for anything to replace that "I'm so cute, talented and precocious, so you must all love me" smile that I always see her with.
She just bothers me...a lot, and if I get enough comments asking why, I'll devote an entire blog entry to how this came about.
GARDEN STATE TRAILERISTS ANONYMOUS
Somebody posted on IMDB that they can't stop watching the Garden State teaser trailer. They say that they've watched it over sixty times. If this wasn't surprising enough, like a hundred other people posted about how they do the same thing.
I haven't seen it sixty times or anything, but it feels good to know that I'm not alone.
