MY FIRST BOOTLEGGER
I went to Walmart at midnight on Monday in the hopes that Garden State would be for sale and sure enough it was. Granted, I waited for like half an hour before I finally asked someone where it was, but hey...I got it.
My trusty sidekick Marc was with me. And yes I know that I am thought of as Adam's sidekick so I think there's some humor in that I (the sidekick) have a sidekick of my own. Anyway, we were standing in line waiting to check out and our conversation was going something like this.
MARC: This movie better be good.
ME: You haven't seen it?
MARC: Nope.
ME: You stood up here for half an hour waiting to get a movie that you've never seen?
MARC: What else am I gonna do at midnight?
ME: Good point.
MARC: All I'm saying is that it better be good or I'm gonna kick your ass.
ME: I don't think you could. You're kinda wirey.
MARC: I'd catch you off-guard.
ME: It's a good movie, trust me.
STRANGE VOICE: Yeah, it's a good one.
That's when Marc and I both turned to see a fairly creepy looking guy in his mid-thirties wearing a plaid sweater vest and holding an oversized bag of dog food in his hand.
ME: I'm sorry?
CREEPY GUY: I was just saying that it's a good movie.
ME (TO MARC): See, even creepy guy says it's good.
MARC: Okay.
CREEPY GUY (leaning into us very creepily): If you guys like movies you should come out to my car with me. I've got some stuff out there you might like.
Which was when Marc and I looked at each other nervously and then didn't say another word until we had both checked out and started walking away...slowly...
ME: Is he watching us?
MARC: I think so.
ME: What the hell you slowing down for?
MARC: I wanna see what he's got.
ME: Are you serious?
MARC: I don't want to be rude.
ME: Rude? The guy butted into our conversation. That's pretty damn rude if you ask me.
MARC: Still I wanna see what he has. What's wrong with that?
ME: Well, I see one of two things happening. Either he really does have movies, which I think it goes without saying are stolen or he's going to lure us out there and shoot us both.
MARC: It's Walmart. People don't get shot at Walmarts.
And this conversation gave the creepy guy enough time to check out and catch up to us. So we go out to the guy's car, which ironically enough is parked right next to Marc's and he reaches into his passenger seat and pulls out like eight dvds of movies that aren't actually out on video yet. He had Troy, Ladder 49, Alien vs. Predator...nothing good. So the guy gets Marc's email address, hands him a free copy of Alien vs. Predator and says...
CREEPY GUY: If you like what you see just let me know.
To which I wanted to say...
ME: If you wanted him to like what he saw you shoulda given him something other than Alien vs. Predator.
At any rate he drove off and we left a few seconds later, both of us slightly amazed by what had just happened. Not that it's all that weird, but it was a Walmart in suburbia at one in the morning. Nobody ever expects that kinda shit to happen. But I guess if they did they'd be disappointed ninty-nine percent of the time.
MY THEORY
I was watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory yesterday and something occurred to me. I don't know why I'd never thought about it before. I mean, it's so simple. I've seen the movie at least four times and at least one of those times I had to be paying attention, right? So it literally amazes me that it took me so long to notice this, but as I was watching the movie yesterday I realized that the Oompa Loompas are essentially slaves.
Think about it. You got Willy Wonka, who with his wealth and top hat is obviously meant to represent America. And then he goes to this other country (Oompa Land) and brings them all of the Oompa Loompas back to his factory. He says that this was for their own good, as they could have been eaten by a Wang Doodle or Vermicious Knid (which, by the way, are obviously meant to symbolize the lions and other predators which hide out in the African jungle), but he doesn't treat them to a life of luxury. They do all of his shitty grunt work like sugaring his fucking chocolate river and dejuicing the fat blue girl. You can't honestly think that this is the life he promised them when he brought them over from Oompa Land. They were duped, and now that can't get out. Plus, since he did it "in secret" you know that none of this is on the books. The government has no idea that the Oompa Loompas are there. It's like his own little private sweatshop, and he's gotta be making a killing.
So I say, fuck Willy Wonka. I hope the Oopma Loompas form an underground railroad on his ass.
MY OBSERVATION
So I saw Closer the other day, which by the way is an awesome flick, and I was looking at Natalie Portman doing the splits in a thong when it occurred to me that Keira Knightley is a poor man's Natalie Portman.
Let me explain...
First of all, look at Star Wars Episode One. Yeah I know it might be painful, but you're gonna have to. Now, in the movie, Natalie plays a princess or queen or something, and whenever she has to appear in public (i.e. someplace she might get shot) so goes incognito and Keira Knightley disguises herself as the queen (or whatever) and takes her place. So basically the film is like two steps away from saying "Hey, they look a lot alike, but one's expendable and the other one is someone we'd like to keep around."
Have you ever seen these two girls in interviews? Natalie is very poised and charming and charismatic and she appears smart and since she just graduated with honors from Stanford I've got a pretty good hunch that she actually is smart. Compare that to Keira who, to my knowledge, hasn't even gone to college and whenever I see her in an interveiw she comes off as a complete idiot, like a springbreaker who just stumbled onto a television set.
Let's move onto their looks. Natalie Portman is damn near perfect. I don't know what else to say. She's drop dead gorgeous, and if you watch Garden State and Closer you can see that she's totally capable of being both girl next door hot and slutty seductive hot. Not that many girls can do that. But if you look at Keira, something's a bit off. She's just too fake. She cakes on the make-up, her teeth are just goo, and she so fucking thin that she could have been that guy in Beetlejuice that hung from the ceiling who had obviously been run over, and then he goes into that little tiny crevasse in the wall after telling Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin to go the sixth door.
Okay, I just over explained that one.
Anyway, I think I just proved my point. Granted it was a point that didn't exactly need proving, but I think I did a damn fine job.
MY EARLY MORNING WISDOM
If you're in a jam, and there's a situation where you don't quite know what to do...say that you've found your significant other cheating on you, or you don't have a date to the big dance, or you're trying to make a movie and you're in desperate need of a crochety mentor...all you have to do is turn on TBS between the hours of 9 and 12 (AM central time), because that's where you'll find back to back episodes of both Dawson's Creek and Saved by the Bell. These two shows tackle any problem imaginable, as long as you're talking about inner-personal relationships with people under the age of twenty-five and the problem has nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, to do with a career.
Say there's this girl (or guy) that you really like, and you don't know what to do. Sure you can ask the opinion of your friends, coworkers, or parents, but any answers you get won't be nearly as helpful as watching Screech get shot down by Lisa time after time, or suffering along with Joey as she's tortured by seeing Dawson and Jen together. You can't pay for advice like this, and you certainly can't find in anywhere in the real world. So all you can do is sit back and watch, and I guarantee you that all of the answers to life's questions will be revealed.
MY HOPE
For those of you who haven't seen Aviator, there's something that I found quite amazing: Leo is once again fighting with Pan American Airlines. I'm sure you remember when he did this in Catch Me If You Can, and I just loved seeing him do it again. Pan-Am is evil fucking evil, there's no doubt in my mind. And I hope that in every third film Leo does he finds a new way to stick it to them.
MY EXCUSE
I understand that the writing in this entry is far from good, but I have a reason. I've written an average of eight pages a day for the last four days. The screenplay is going well, but one of the side effects is that I'm a little bit sick of writing, but I had some shit that I wanted to share with the world. So instead of not sharing it, I decided to do it substandardly...and no I don't think that's a real word.
Keep your unit on you...
I went to Walmart at midnight on Monday in the hopes that Garden State would be for sale and sure enough it was. Granted, I waited for like half an hour before I finally asked someone where it was, but hey...I got it.
My trusty sidekick Marc was with me. And yes I know that I am thought of as Adam's sidekick so I think there's some humor in that I (the sidekick) have a sidekick of my own. Anyway, we were standing in line waiting to check out and our conversation was going something like this.
MARC: This movie better be good.
ME: You haven't seen it?
MARC: Nope.
ME: You stood up here for half an hour waiting to get a movie that you've never seen?
MARC: What else am I gonna do at midnight?
ME: Good point.
MARC: All I'm saying is that it better be good or I'm gonna kick your ass.
ME: I don't think you could. You're kinda wirey.
MARC: I'd catch you off-guard.
ME: It's a good movie, trust me.
STRANGE VOICE: Yeah, it's a good one.
That's when Marc and I both turned to see a fairly creepy looking guy in his mid-thirties wearing a plaid sweater vest and holding an oversized bag of dog food in his hand.
ME: I'm sorry?
CREEPY GUY: I was just saying that it's a good movie.
ME (TO MARC): See, even creepy guy says it's good.
MARC: Okay.
CREEPY GUY (leaning into us very creepily): If you guys like movies you should come out to my car with me. I've got some stuff out there you might like.
Which was when Marc and I looked at each other nervously and then didn't say another word until we had both checked out and started walking away...slowly...
ME: Is he watching us?
MARC: I think so.
ME: What the hell you slowing down for?
MARC: I wanna see what he's got.
ME: Are you serious?
MARC: I don't want to be rude.
ME: Rude? The guy butted into our conversation. That's pretty damn rude if you ask me.
MARC: Still I wanna see what he has. What's wrong with that?
ME: Well, I see one of two things happening. Either he really does have movies, which I think it goes without saying are stolen or he's going to lure us out there and shoot us both.
MARC: It's Walmart. People don't get shot at Walmarts.
And this conversation gave the creepy guy enough time to check out and catch up to us. So we go out to the guy's car, which ironically enough is parked right next to Marc's and he reaches into his passenger seat and pulls out like eight dvds of movies that aren't actually out on video yet. He had Troy, Ladder 49, Alien vs. Predator...nothing good. So the guy gets Marc's email address, hands him a free copy of Alien vs. Predator and says...
CREEPY GUY: If you like what you see just let me know.
To which I wanted to say...
ME: If you wanted him to like what he saw you shoulda given him something other than Alien vs. Predator.
At any rate he drove off and we left a few seconds later, both of us slightly amazed by what had just happened. Not that it's all that weird, but it was a Walmart in suburbia at one in the morning. Nobody ever expects that kinda shit to happen. But I guess if they did they'd be disappointed ninty-nine percent of the time.
MY THEORY
I was watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory yesterday and something occurred to me. I don't know why I'd never thought about it before. I mean, it's so simple. I've seen the movie at least four times and at least one of those times I had to be paying attention, right? So it literally amazes me that it took me so long to notice this, but as I was watching the movie yesterday I realized that the Oompa Loompas are essentially slaves.
Think about it. You got Willy Wonka, who with his wealth and top hat is obviously meant to represent America. And then he goes to this other country (Oompa Land) and brings them all of the Oompa Loompas back to his factory. He says that this was for their own good, as they could have been eaten by a Wang Doodle or Vermicious Knid (which, by the way, are obviously meant to symbolize the lions and other predators which hide out in the African jungle), but he doesn't treat them to a life of luxury. They do all of his shitty grunt work like sugaring his fucking chocolate river and dejuicing the fat blue girl. You can't honestly think that this is the life he promised them when he brought them over from Oompa Land. They were duped, and now that can't get out. Plus, since he did it "in secret" you know that none of this is on the books. The government has no idea that the Oompa Loompas are there. It's like his own little private sweatshop, and he's gotta be making a killing.
So I say, fuck Willy Wonka. I hope the Oopma Loompas form an underground railroad on his ass.
MY OBSERVATION
So I saw Closer the other day, which by the way is an awesome flick, and I was looking at Natalie Portman doing the splits in a thong when it occurred to me that Keira Knightley is a poor man's Natalie Portman.
Let me explain...
First of all, look at Star Wars Episode One. Yeah I know it might be painful, but you're gonna have to. Now, in the movie, Natalie plays a princess or queen or something, and whenever she has to appear in public (i.e. someplace she might get shot) so goes incognito and Keira Knightley disguises herself as the queen (or whatever) and takes her place. So basically the film is like two steps away from saying "Hey, they look a lot alike, but one's expendable and the other one is someone we'd like to keep around."
Have you ever seen these two girls in interviews? Natalie is very poised and charming and charismatic and she appears smart and since she just graduated with honors from Stanford I've got a pretty good hunch that she actually is smart. Compare that to Keira who, to my knowledge, hasn't even gone to college and whenever I see her in an interveiw she comes off as a complete idiot, like a springbreaker who just stumbled onto a television set.
Let's move onto their looks. Natalie Portman is damn near perfect. I don't know what else to say. She's drop dead gorgeous, and if you watch Garden State and Closer you can see that she's totally capable of being both girl next door hot and slutty seductive hot. Not that many girls can do that. But if you look at Keira, something's a bit off. She's just too fake. She cakes on the make-up, her teeth are just goo, and she so fucking thin that she could have been that guy in Beetlejuice that hung from the ceiling who had obviously been run over, and then he goes into that little tiny crevasse in the wall after telling Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin to go the sixth door.
Okay, I just over explained that one.
Anyway, I think I just proved my point. Granted it was a point that didn't exactly need proving, but I think I did a damn fine job.
MY EARLY MORNING WISDOM
If you're in a jam, and there's a situation where you don't quite know what to do...say that you've found your significant other cheating on you, or you don't have a date to the big dance, or you're trying to make a movie and you're in desperate need of a crochety mentor...all you have to do is turn on TBS between the hours of 9 and 12 (AM central time), because that's where you'll find back to back episodes of both Dawson's Creek and Saved by the Bell. These two shows tackle any problem imaginable, as long as you're talking about inner-personal relationships with people under the age of twenty-five and the problem has nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, to do with a career.
Say there's this girl (or guy) that you really like, and you don't know what to do. Sure you can ask the opinion of your friends, coworkers, or parents, but any answers you get won't be nearly as helpful as watching Screech get shot down by Lisa time after time, or suffering along with Joey as she's tortured by seeing Dawson and Jen together. You can't pay for advice like this, and you certainly can't find in anywhere in the real world. So all you can do is sit back and watch, and I guarantee you that all of the answers to life's questions will be revealed.
MY HOPE
For those of you who haven't seen Aviator, there's something that I found quite amazing: Leo is once again fighting with Pan American Airlines. I'm sure you remember when he did this in Catch Me If You Can, and I just loved seeing him do it again. Pan-Am is evil fucking evil, there's no doubt in my mind. And I hope that in every third film Leo does he finds a new way to stick it to them.
MY EXCUSE
I understand that the writing in this entry is far from good, but I have a reason. I've written an average of eight pages a day for the last four days. The screenplay is going well, but one of the side effects is that I'm a little bit sick of writing, but I had some shit that I wanted to share with the world. So instead of not sharing it, I decided to do it substandardly...and no I don't think that's a real word.
Keep your unit on you...
