LIFE IMITATING ART IMITATING LIFE
Two weeks after Renee broke up with me I had a short story due in my creative writng class. Prior to the night she ended our union, I had no idea what I was going to write about. After she dumped me while I was in the middle of watching a hockey game, I knew I couldn't write a story about anything else.
In the story, much like in real life, the girl breaks up with the guy out of the blue for no apparent reason. Subsequently the guy gets very sad and confused, and for several days afterwards goes through one of those "what does it all mean" kinda things. Then, after a great deal of thought, he comes to the realization that he's better off without her. At some point after he realizes this, she comes crawling back to him, admitting that she was wrong.
Now the reader, having been subjected to a number of romantic stories throughout their lifetime, would probably be under the impression that he'll take her back, and the two of them live happily ever after.
But that's not what happens.
I pull the old switcheroo. Instead of taking her back he explains the situation to her, about how they're better off without one another, and how their lives are moving in separate directions. She takes it all pretty well, and the two of them crawl up on the couch and fall asleep together for the last time. For my money that's a pretty satisfying ending. Maybe not the happiest ending in the world, but satisfying.
Last night Renee came over. She told me that she wished she'd never broken up with me and that she wanted me back. But unlike the character in my story I didn't tell her "no."
Some people might think this is stupid, and maybe it is. But here's the thing, and there's really no getting around this: I care about that girl more than I've ever been able to put into words, and the only reason I haven't been able to put it into words is because my vocabulary is incredibly limited.
But I'm working on it...
FANTASY BASEBALL AND MY ROOMMATE'S SOUL
My roommate's life has been completely overtaken by his fantasy baseball league. He must post on the website five times a day, and I'm sure he checks his rankings more often than that. He talks about it a lot. Trading this guy...what player did this for him today...this guy's the shit...this guy's the truth...this guy's the best Jew in the game today. Actually it's all pretty funny to listen to.
But it's just a game, actually it's not even a game. It's just a bunch of guys sitting around watching professional athletes do things that they'll never get to. It's just sad. Granted it's no more sad than when I spent five hours a day playing online poker, and then damn near cried the night I lost twenty thousand dollars in fake money over the course of three hours.
Alright so we're both pretty sad. All I'm saying is that, if I were my roommate's girlfriend, and in a lot of ways I am, but if I was his actual girlfriend...I'd be kinda worried.
I think your job might be in jeopardy.
6 THINGS THAT WILL BAFFLE ME UNTIL MY DYING DAY
1) If you don't get enough sleep, you wake up and feel like shit. If you sleep the proper amount of time, you wake up and feel great. But if you sleep for too long, you wake up and feel like shit.
2) That spray-on-hair stuff. Can anyone explain that to me?
3) Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo
4) There's a better than 95% chance that Bobcat Goldthwait
actually managed to bang Nikki Cox.
5) The frozen White Castle cheeseburgers at Walmart actually cost less than the frozen hamburgers.
6) The circumstances under which someone discovered that if a Nintendo game isn't working, you simply take it out, blow in it, stick back in and voila everything's fine.
Two weeks after Renee broke up with me I had a short story due in my creative writng class. Prior to the night she ended our union, I had no idea what I was going to write about. After she dumped me while I was in the middle of watching a hockey game, I knew I couldn't write a story about anything else.
In the story, much like in real life, the girl breaks up with the guy out of the blue for no apparent reason. Subsequently the guy gets very sad and confused, and for several days afterwards goes through one of those "what does it all mean" kinda things. Then, after a great deal of thought, he comes to the realization that he's better off without her. At some point after he realizes this, she comes crawling back to him, admitting that she was wrong.
Now the reader, having been subjected to a number of romantic stories throughout their lifetime, would probably be under the impression that he'll take her back, and the two of them live happily ever after.
But that's not what happens.
I pull the old switcheroo. Instead of taking her back he explains the situation to her, about how they're better off without one another, and how their lives are moving in separate directions. She takes it all pretty well, and the two of them crawl up on the couch and fall asleep together for the last time. For my money that's a pretty satisfying ending. Maybe not the happiest ending in the world, but satisfying.
Last night Renee came over. She told me that she wished she'd never broken up with me and that she wanted me back. But unlike the character in my story I didn't tell her "no."
Some people might think this is stupid, and maybe it is. But here's the thing, and there's really no getting around this: I care about that girl more than I've ever been able to put into words, and the only reason I haven't been able to put it into words is because my vocabulary is incredibly limited.
But I'm working on it...
FANTASY BASEBALL AND MY ROOMMATE'S SOUL
My roommate's life has been completely overtaken by his fantasy baseball league. He must post on the website five times a day, and I'm sure he checks his rankings more often than that. He talks about it a lot. Trading this guy...what player did this for him today...this guy's the shit...this guy's the truth...this guy's the best Jew in the game today. Actually it's all pretty funny to listen to.
But it's just a game, actually it's not even a game. It's just a bunch of guys sitting around watching professional athletes do things that they'll never get to. It's just sad. Granted it's no more sad than when I spent five hours a day playing online poker, and then damn near cried the night I lost twenty thousand dollars in fake money over the course of three hours.
Alright so we're both pretty sad. All I'm saying is that, if I were my roommate's girlfriend, and in a lot of ways I am, but if I was his actual girlfriend...I'd be kinda worried.
I think your job might be in jeopardy.
6 THINGS THAT WILL BAFFLE ME UNTIL MY DYING DAY
1) If you don't get enough sleep, you wake up and feel like shit. If you sleep the proper amount of time, you wake up and feel great. But if you sleep for too long, you wake up and feel like shit.
2) That spray-on-hair stuff. Can anyone explain that to me?
3) Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo
4) There's a better than 95% chance that Bobcat Goldthwait
actually managed to bang Nikki Cox.
5) The frozen White Castle cheeseburgers at Walmart actually cost less than the frozen hamburgers.
6) The circumstances under which someone discovered that if a Nintendo game isn't working, you simply take it out, blow in it, stick back in and voila everything's fine.
